I’m too tired for a title tonight.
Poop!
There I said it.
I have been cranky lately and I dont know how to fix myself. I would love to blame the lack of interesting television… things have not been the same for me since Bret Michaels found his “Rock of Love”, but I dont think tv is too blame this time. I am even in a knitting funk. I have been slack on a few projects and now can only seem to knit for the shop… if you have seen my shop lately you will notice I have not been very productive.
What is my problem? Let me break it down… first, my mother. She is crazy normally, but lately has taken a turn for the worst. Her house is a wreck and I dont know why she is letting everything go. Okay, by ”wreck” I mean there is barely a pathway to get through it. She is as emotionally removed as usual, but this has also gotten worse. In early November she called me and wanted to make plans for Christmas. So we did… Christmas Eve she called me to confirm the plans and everything was a go. She was supposed to show up around 2pm… so at 4:30 when she had not arrived or called, I called her. She called me back after 5pm and told me she had been in the ER because she thought she broke her finger, but it was not broken. I asked her if she could hurry, since the baby had to eat dinner (she was responsible for a majority of the food) and then take his bath and go to bed by 8pm. She said she had not had a chance to cook the potatoes, but I told her not to worry, we could cook them here. an hour later she called me sounding more wasted than Ozzy Osbourne, telling me that the pain meds they gave her were strong and she had fallen down trying to get the phone and was hoping she wouldnt puke… oh, yeah and she said she was sorry and that she loved me. I told her to get some sleep and call me in the morning. She did not call the next day or answer her phone, though I called at least 5-6 times all day. Same thing Sunday. So finally we all drove over there. No answer at the door. I knocked on all the windows, then I noticed her car was all scratched up and the garage door was busted as if she had driven into it. So I broke in and hollered to her. She was sleeping. Then she was upset that I had woken her up. Well, I proceeded to give her a piece of my mind. I just do not understand her. She has seen her grandson three times. Birth, as he was being rushed to the NICU, then at 2 weeks old as I was getting a ride from her to get my staples out. She held him as if he was contagious… like at arms length. This disturbed me. Then after she had moved into her new place I stopped by to visit, change a diaper and nurse the boy when he was around 7 months. Her house was not as bad as now, but still terrible and I was cringing about even bringing my son in there. I made it a fast visit and I refuse to bring him back inside until she cleans the place up. So the idea of her coming over for Christmas was delightful to me. I felt like maybe she was getting better… but I think she is in fact getting worse.
Sorry. Heavy stuff I know… it has been weighing on me.
Josh generally drives me crazy. Above and beyond being a typical male, he really lacks any and all initiative when it comes to… well, everything. He is not exactly the strong, compassionate and reliable man I dreamt of all my life. He can open a jar… and he has good personal hygiene, holds a job and pays bills, but other than that I cannot really count on him to help me with much. He feels like this is all he needs to do. He actually feels like I dont do enough! His mother is one of those types who does everything for her man and for her child, all while keeping a perfectly neat and orderly home and taking care of every loose end… oh and the kicker– she would never complain either! So Josh is assuming that this is a normal quality for women in general… I just dont agree. I do not have a problem cooking, doing dishes, laundry, general cleaning and being a mom. I do however have a problem when I am always doing everything and then the weekend comes. Josh has two days off and helps with nothing. Usually he tries to get as much sleep as possible with a quick break for drinking and video games. I would just love some ”me” time. Some time off. I dont even want two full days… not even one full day! Lately he has been waking on Saturday at 8am and letting me sleep in for a few hours, then we trade-off. Yeah, that sounds really sweet right? Wrong! I have to bargain for it in some way or another and to me that just takes most of the enjoyment out of it. Just once I would love for him to do something nice, just to make me happy. HA-HA and one day hell just might freeze over too.
Sorry. This isnt a complaint blog now, I promise.
My son! Yes, my sweet little bundle of joy is another part of my problem! Recently, he has turned from lovable boy who gives me kisses and hugs who sings and has fun all day, to a maniacal little German midget who finds great delight in my despair and shock. He is not fully talking, but if I listen carefully I can decipher his German and he says little things like “I-get-up” or “I-go” which normally would be so adorable, but usually it screamed at me like an order I must adhere to! On the one hand, I want to stand at attention and follow his commands, on the other hand, I think that I need to take the upper hand in the situation. I mean, a child cannot make the rules, right? …right? HA. I try and lay down the law in my best ”Mom means business” voice and although I feel like I am stern and stiff… he just laughs at me. Then he continues his tirade. He is a very demanding young fellow. I am really looking forward to the part where Sesame Street starts teaching him english so I can actually understand him.
He has given up the highchair. He just wont have it anymore. I tried to enforce it, but then gave up and tonight he ate his meal on his knees in a regular chair at the table. I feel like he is too young for all this defiance and independence, but according to “THEM” he is right on track. I am afraid and I know that I need to figure out my game plan… since we seem to be playing a game of proverbial Risk and I think he might have been buttering me up with all those kisses and hugs in order to attack me when I am vulnerable. He did well and though he may fight a good fight, I intend to win this war and have a well behaved child without ending up in jail. This cant last forever, right? …right? (Stop laughing.)
So these are my current stresses. Just add a gluten-free diet! (which by the way, 2 out of my 3 friends told me they think it is probably just “in my head”) I can assure everyone that I really have some sort of issue… whether it be Celiac’s diesease or just a severe gluen/wheat intolerance, I am not sure.
My life in a nutshell.
I do not know what to do about it, except just push through each day. I just keep knitting, reading, watching my tv and blogging in my spare time, hoping I dont end up as crazy as my mother.
Poop.
Wait, I cant end this on such a sour note. I refuse…
I finished cleaning my closet which included organizing my stash. Let’s just say I need to unscrew the lightbulb in there. Josh would freak out. I seriously freaked out! I had no idea I had so much. So score one for yarn hoarding.
Also, I lanolized 3 woolies items tonight and my hands are so baby smooth!
Oh an how about that Yarn Harlot? She’s amusing, eh?
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